So it’s come to the crunch. If I’m serious about what I want to do in life, well, somehow it’s dentistry, I can just skip all the pain I’ve been moaning and groaning about since day one. Yeah, I can just abandon a levels and go aus.

The only thing is whether I can leave everything behind and be independent.

Argh.

Actually I realize it’s just more pain or less pain. That’s all I have to decide. Whether to go through the pain of a levels.

I hate this dilemma more than anything else. Study or play? Study or play? Study or play? Okay play, study tomorrow. And then it gets postponed and postponed. It’s pissifying.

Okay by play, I mean do something I want to do, like reading fanfic.

Though that fanfic was great, the language was bad. So, I’m definitely affected by it. I can feel the standard of my english drop a feel notches as it is.

Anyway, for those who don’t understand my slight obsession with fanfics, I shall endeavour to explain myself.

1) It’s virtual reality. I <3 anything that takes me away from reality. I’m just able to totally imagine myself to be one character and feel everything that he/she does. Lol you can guess which character I took on in the recent fanfic ahaha.

Okay maybe there’s only one reason.

And I realized that I’m not immune to love-shit stuff. I guess I read to experience what I cannot have. Yeah, cos reality won’t ever allow me to be that happy.

Oh well, that means I can start another one ahaha. I’ve already found a new one but I shall read it on the plane to aus I guess. I should attempt to start trying to do holiday work and such…

Any sasunaru fans who have a matured mindset would probably love that story :) Do ask me if interested. I’ll be more than happy to share.

I’m not a sasunaru fan, I’m just a good story fan :) Somehow I like knowing the characters to a certain extent compared to reading a story where I have to learn about the character from scratch.

‘I miss you… I’m always missing you.’

I happen to try to mug something, like open it to the first page or so, then I read a few lines and give up and leave it there. Then someone will accuse me of mugging then I’ll say I didn’t. Because honestly, if reading a few lines which barely sinked in is mugging, damn, I’m a mugger. But then the person will point out that the book/notes are open, and then I feel like if it’s stupider if I try to explain so I just don’t say anything.

Or the other time I actually managed to read a set of notes. I recall almost nothing == Yet seeing that I read halfway and someone saw it, once again, I got into the awkward situation of seeming like I’m a mugger who’s trying to pretend I’m not. Yeah, that’s my point. The thing is, if I really mugged like I seem to, I either am studying the wrong way or am dumb. Whichever the case. Okay maybe I’m not even studying the right way even if I tried to.

Argh, actually I should just learn to not care. It’s pointless.

And while reading my fanfic, I cried. Lol. Okay maybe I purposely put myself into the character’s shoes totally so I can feel the emotions. So I cry along. Ahaha. Then I keep thinking, I’d never want in that character’s shoes.

Then I thought along the lines of never getting close to anyone so I’ll never feel the pain of loss. Well, not again anyway. I… I just don’t think I’ll never be able to trust anyone that much. Like, I mean, trust someone enough to marry that person. I don’t want the chance of losing someone I trust so much. I’d just die if that person leaves. So, it’s better not to create that trust. Or don’t trust that person that much. Though the latter defeats the purpose I guess ahaha.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password: